if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
