I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
