woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
