6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He did a backflip because drugs
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