Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My balls are so social today.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
