haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
