Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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