do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
