i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
