somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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