I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
