what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
