oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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