He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
