Come see our sink grown plant.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
