I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
