my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
