there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
