when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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