Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Are my feet made of real feet?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
