I love black thongs
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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