he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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