dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
