so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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