Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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