my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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