I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
