Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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