How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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