My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
