we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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