tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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