Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
