come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
