benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
