You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
