How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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