i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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