you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
