wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
