This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
