The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
