Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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