Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
