I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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