You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
