OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
