You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
