she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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