He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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