I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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