How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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