There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
