thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
