Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
